I told her once because i woke up to him touching me she just brushed it off and Im completely sure she doesnt remember that . We want to say that we are really glad to hear you found someone to talk to and saw a psychologist. Believe me, i really dont want this to be true but I do feel like i have finally put the puzzle together, does that make sense? But shame is a strange thing. And in any case, being smacked and constantly told off is its own form of abuse and can cause all sorts of symptoms as an adult. So its really weird that I am writing this. http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse Second, you say you tried therapy and it helped. Being a teen involves peer pressure and we assume some things are normal. Ive been in therapy on/ off over 18 years (maybe 18mth break not always weekly) recently just done 20 weeks trauma therapy with Manchester Rape it seems a lot to me. Low because i wasnt allowed to listen to music only Christian type and i was sewing my pillow . If you do a google of shoplifting mental health you can get a clearer idea. Hi Jamie, thanks for the share. http://bit.ly/lowcosttherapy. An important thing to note is that while I am not attracted to guys with NPD or who are emotionally abusive, but the people who I tend to fall for the most have very messed up childhoods. Has someone ever touched you in an inappropriate manner? I have been experiencing most of the symptoms listed. If you were very angry at your father and very confused by the divorce and he then tries to get close to you emotionally and tells you he loves you, your brain could have registered that as a trauma and then erased the memories around it.It might have been very upsetting or confusing for you. Hi EA, you arent sick in the head. 2. And its obvious you are feeling anxious and depressed. I have had multiple dreams of being taken advantage of sexually. Or someone you trust? I do remember as a child having habits the other kids didnt have. I was also very young when I started masturbating, also I discovered porn at a young age and constantly feel guilty. for that reason i havent had sex yet. I have been stuck in a deep depression for about a month or so and looking into myself for answers All the little bits and pieces that i have shared with you here started surfacing. I dont have memory of what he was doing exactly but Im guessing it probably wasnt good. Finally, note that if there was any chance you were aware as a child something was happening to your sister, or witnessed anything, that too can be traumatic for a child and create symptoms. Everything is kind of a haze. I used to get nightmares about being chased and losing my voice when I yell for help. It wasnt a misunderstanding, it was a man sexually assaulting a child. Thank you. I had a hard time saying no or stop when it didnt feel good and put myself through the pain. Are you from a Christian family that taught you shame about your body? Best, HT. I had had an orgasm before. We are sorry to hear you are experiencing so much anxiety about this. This must have been my early teens. So heres the thing. Now that Im an adult, Im understanding in more depth the abusive things she used to do to me, and how that affected me until today. As an child and an adult I now realize I have acted in a disrespectful way repeatedly through my life not thinking anything was wrong with it, for this I am truly sorry to anyone involved. But I do not know what to say, if anything. But what happens in families where sex and bodies are made bad is that then children dont get to talk about it at all, and they dont get taught how to say no and that they have that right. Their music is the positive pulse that keeps me alive and moving forward. So you might just be a normal teen going through a rough patch, that is possible, being a teen is hard! And Ive found that in general therapists dont want to really talk about fear of therapy unless you agree up front that its primarily your problem and you havent actually had genuine trauma caused or reinforced by therapists. I do remember fooling around with a friend of mine when we were young and kissing my sister. Go easy on yourself. Hi Anonymous, its a topic that deserves more attention. Hi everyone. He doesnt even talk to me about PTSD. Later on i talked with my son and daughter about these thungs and some were confirmed. Look for a therapist who already has experience with victims of abuse, and you might want to find a therapist who integrates EMDR into his or her practice http://bit.ly/emdrtherapy. I stayed with her for three years. How to deal with emotional abuse There are certain measures that should be taken to prevent abusive relationship and these start from knowing which are the rights one has in a relationship and acknowledging that everyone should be treated with respect. emotionally i had been yes.. but she asked sexually. But forgiveness can also be a false thing we tell ourselves we are engaging in as we feel we should and that is what God would want. For starters, congratulate yourself for getting by at all, and for being brave enough to be here sharing. We wish you courage with it all! Rape is unwanted and unlawful sexual intercourse or penetration of someone's body by a body part or object. Otherwise, read our article on how to talk to your parents about mental health http://bit.ly/talktoparents . He showed me their mirrored closet, and took me in there. All we do know for certain is that we have issues we need help with. We wish you courage and suggest you read our other piece on what to do if you suspect you were abused http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse. And rape fantasies alongside anxiety, depression, and a feeling you have to offer sex, those are pretty strong indicators of trauma. I think I have social anxiety or maybe just regular anxiety. Note you did not do it out of bad intent. And the more we feel we have no worth, the more we feel we might as well do things that hurt others. I have so many dark, demented secrets and thoughts that they could fill over 1,000 pages if I were to write them all down, and even that wouldnt cover all of it. I do suffer really badly from OCD and Im known to overthink everything, so Im not sure as to if this ever happened. Not being heard. I do therapy 2 years now, and I suffer from depression, anxiety, I have eating and personality issues. The rest is very foggy. It also triggers any of their own unresolved issues. She would just make me feel like I was dirty and shun me for pretty much all my life. It was not a good feeling at all. Ive been suspecting that I might have been abused for some time now. Hope that helps. Just being around my mother makes me panic. If he didnt, then why is it still stuck in my head? You are just struggling with some issues, and you are not alone in struggling with them. Mostly dont want to know, honestly. I went to counseling but never addressed these issues, in particular, dismissing them as inconsequential. I have never had a boyfriend. When he would stay the night, he would sneak into my room and do things that made me feel as if he started falling for me. Any trusted therapists in Los Angeles? But as an adult, i cant help but wonder what happened to make my ordinarily over protective mother, not take action? Is Your Cat A Psychopath? It sounds like you are definitely suffering and really need support. I know I should not and I know I mean nothing to him, but I cant help myself he is the only thing I have on the planet and I do not count him a friend because he is a secret and I only ever see him for an hour at a time for sex. I think Ive been sexually abused as a young child but Im not so certain because my memory is not all there. Hi Nathalie, sorry to hear you are feeling upset and are confused. it was usually ice cream melted or a shake. Neglect, a stressful experience, a family member dying, moving, parents divorcing, there are many things a childs brain can process as hugely traumatic that can lead to OCD, urinary tract infections, and hair pulling. Hi Thelma. While I was at the shelter, things were starting to come back to me from my past that I had long forgotten. I have been with my husband 28 years. My niece came to me when she was around 5 years old. Sometimes the brain focuses on things it can handle and understand and cuts out other things. Going to a therapist can help you work through those symptoms. And sometimes the abuse has gone on for so long that you no longer recognize it as abuse. As those are real no matter what happened are didnt. We connect you with some of Londons most experienced and highly regarded, High Expectations? I was a kid back then maybe 4 or 5 or 6. Ive had moments where I choose not to remember things. Id feel dirty and used, even though I knew he was a caring guy who loved me and wanted nothing but to please me. I get sick VERY often. Specifically one that is not biased for any reason, including working in sexual abuse. There is absolutely no need to feel weird or ashamed, therapists hear far, far worse all the time, and most young women have had a confusing and upsetting sexualised experience growing up, if not several, its unfortunately quite normala therapist wont judge. i came online to search for signs your great grandfather stuck his penis into your mouth at an age too early to remember.i am thinking this must be a very common thing or at least in the old days before birth controlas the opening of a baby crying for its mom is exactly a warm inviting spot for an old man who had a very controlling wife and not allowed to have sex during his lifetime much on his own termsi have only symptoms which i could lay out for you here but i dont want to waste the time I need to find information which talks about thismust be a very common thing that has happened to young toddlers when left alone at grandma or great grandmas am i right? This is why two people can experience the same trauma and one has PTSD and the other is fine. Would your parents let you go see a counsellor? Is there someone you can talk to about this? While it would be easy to just brush it off as not a big deal, or try to logically understand, that wont really work. Boys in high school would be doing things I always said no but they never listened. Best, HT. I have a very strong fear of being alone. Is it necessary for me to try to discover the source of my trauma? Years later, I am sure the taste was the same as that of male ejaculation at the time I was, or at least thought I was, still a virgin and had no idea what the taste was, but the dream left me with mixed feelings as there was a kind of excitement at the sexual experience but it was like this sexual experience that I was having (in my dream) turned out an awful nightmare and very unpleasant. My younger cousin would also come from time to time to be watched. I have nightmares about him in that bathroom, and Im afraid of going to the restroom at school. One time my teacher told me to stop but I couldnt and so when the teacher parent conference came around she told my mom what I was doing. 15. I dont want her to feel guilty or bad for me when I dont even know if anything happened. Do you feel you might also suffer from some of the following? My Mum says I was very sad when Dad was arrested but I dont remember how I reacted to it. Believe they think its not abuse i dont know what they think and trying to undrstand an abuser is the worst torture. Its not about what happened exactly, as we can make ourselves FEEL crazy trying to remember the past. If you are in the UK, there are also several free helplines that you can call and very nice people on the other side who are happy to listen. I did not seek this therapy for this reason it was to conquer my jealousy as for once in my life I am in a loving relationship and need to eradicate my jealous behaviour as it is on a subconscious level. She should be reported. I really cant touch her breast, thighs, butt or genitalia. And being sexually assaulted at 13 is itself hugely damaging. You are far from alone. If you are at university or college yet, there might be free or very low-cost counselling on campus. You are only 17, and its important to listen to your feelings on this front Its your body, and there is no rule or timeline to anything, beyond what feels right for you. 2. Hi Lena, its actually really common to blame ourselves and think we wanted it. Im about to turn 14 and I been having a lot of issues with mental health but no one noticed and I think it started growing when I was younger but Im sure but remember just crying a lot feeling worthless. And to get proper support to process it, ideally. I get really anxious about touching my female friends, and when my boyfriend looks or acts slightly feminine I cringe. This neighbor of mine; he was a teenager, around 15 or 16, touched me inappropriately and I remember feeling confused why he insisted to touch me in this certain place. We think you might also find our other article interesting, it discusses the steps to take if you think you were abused http://bit.ly/dealwithabuse good luck! Finding a good counsellor helps you explore all sorts, and you might find its a blend of traumatic experiences behind your issues. Is there free counselling at your high school or university? Although I have a very perverted mind I can never imagine myself having sex with anyone, I make up fictional characters that I picture in my place. Do not doubt yourself. If you have any advice or any thoughts that I might have been raped please respond back. Emotional Abuse Quiz - Garbo Of course children need to be taught their body is theirs and private, and that nobody else has the right to touch their body. Quiz: Was I Sexually Assaulted? The damage done by bad therapy cant be compared to a bad date at all its an experience of finding even the professionals wont believe that you or treat you like youre just crazy for trying to talk about whats actually happened. He started kicking the ball with me. Thanks for reading. He hand loosened and I fell asleep. If so, gather up your courage and go elsewhere. I vaguely remember him yelling at me to make me cry. Another thing Ive never been able to explain is throughout my lifetime, there have been a few moments where a sudden wave of uneasiness, homesickness, uncomfortableness hits me out of nowhere. We are not jumping to any conclusions over the root cause, each person is unique, and there are many things that a child can experience that can lead to this lack of boundaries, a big event, or just a series of small events that together diminished your self-esteem. All I remember them doing is shouting at me for making a noise or being outside when they wanted me inside for what reason I do not know as the only part I remember is being shouted at and hiding the tears on my cheeks as I was crying about having to go inside, but I cant remember past the back door. Eventually my mom and sometimes even my aunt would catch us doing these things and tell us how bad it was but never did they take real actions to make It stop. As a teenager there was only one guy he was 20, I was 16 that I got close to. What is scarier, going to therapy and feeling uncomfortable and looking at all these issues, or spending the rest of your life dealing with all these fears and worries? I wouldnt let my mother touch me. N closed the door n sat on the bed n asked me to sit beside him so i did he rubbed my leg with his hand up and down up and down i was scared i dont know why . i should not tell our parents but I cannot remember what it was that I should not tell. Dont trust them? Hugging and certain touching makes me very uncomfortable even with family and I am still a virgin I have shocked a number of doctors with that fact. Best, HT. And your fear of her could be related to different things. If you feel uncomfortable, upset, or sad it happened, then treat it as important and talk to a counsellor. But there seems to be a bit of anxiety here, a bit of worry, and a sense of not belonging that goes all the way back to childhood, and that this comment by the neighbour has really triggered it. We wish you courage. I dont know what to do about this person who did this to me. Theres a counselor at school but they have to notify my parents if they think somethings really wrong and i dont feel comfortable with them knowing really. He was basically the ring leader of a massive online community for paedophiles. There are a lot of things that I dont know the answer to. this happened twice to what ive remembered. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, I have major anger issues, and Ive abused alcohol and marijuana. I remember that because our families were Barry close I would stay the night at his house for a few days or weeks because my parents would go out of town and I had school. It was not a dream, i know that for certain, and i have no memories around that. Best, HT. I seem to have a strange memory of him being with me in the girls toilet cubicle. I do remember very strongly seing my dad watch porn. For Im not sure what I would find. This fact was disturbingly . We have an article here on how to ask your parents for mental health help http://bit.ly/talktoparents. I wrote an anonymous letter last year and sent it to him with certain bible verses regarding his sinful nature. I have suffered from severe depression since I was six years old. I received.. little treats when I let him hug me. The thought of having never been alone with them, gives me an uncomfortable feeling, though I dont know why. I dont want to have sex because I hate myself. I have a lot of other space for missing time that something could have happened. I have written lots of jigsaw pieces down and now they are starting to make a picture. But every once in a while, I still find myself over thinking something she does or says, or remembering one of the weird things she did before, and freaking out about it, and I feel so angry and confused about it! Though I block out certain memories some as extreme as they are very vivid. I remember being really scared but liking it at the same time, because I liked him. . Not in London, or on a budget? Best, HT. I was 15 with no experience but in back of my head was a voice saying i was dirty and that i wasnt a virgin. Im also dealing with depression and I am trying to figure out who I am. Thank you, this article helped a lot. im wondering if this is some sort of reaction to past events? Im sixteen and while I cant bring up any memories of sexual assault happening to me, there are some people in my life that I used to meet more frequently when I was younger (practically not at all now, as we moved to another country) who have given me an uncomfortable feeling whenever I was near them. 7. And the best thing we can possibly do when we are suffering (and obviously, you are suffering here) is to do whatever we can to shift our focus from what happened to what can I do to help myself manage.
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